Then and Now

It has been only five days since I was diagnosed with cancer but it seems like a lifetime. It's a little like after you have a baby - you have no recollection of what life was like before the baby - only not so joyous. Everything is surreal. I feel very singularly focussed but yet, not well focussed at all. I forget what I have said to who and what people said to me. I'm really hoping this symptom goes away! I told my family last night at dinner that if they hear me repeating myself in a conversation to do a finger swipe along the nose ala "The Sting" so I'll stop. To all of you, please feel free to use the same signal.
A lot of people have asked how we got here. What were my symptoms? How did this happen?
As many of you know last March, Russ was in the hospital for Pumonary Embolism. He had had a blood clot a couple of years earlier in his leg but this time he had no warning signs - just went straight through his heart and settled between his lungs. It obviously was a scary time for us but he physically felt very, very good. In fact, I remember having a horrible cold that week and wishing I could be the one laying around in bed all day! After he was released from the hospital, he found out the next week that he would not be getting his job back at ACA. Ugh! What else could happen? Obviously stress and fear dominated our lives for awhile but we were able to come to a place of peace and trust, knowing that God was in control and would take care of us.
About this same time I started feeling a pressure in my chest, right in the middle. I initially thought that my cold I had while Russ was hospitalized had moved to my chest and just settled. My sister, Jeanne, mentioned to me that I might have walking pneumonia so I made an appointment to be checked out. I coudn't get in to see my GP right away so I went to a Physicians Assistant. He was very perplexed but he did listen to me. Gave me breathing treatments. He ordered a chest X-ray, EKG and stress monitor test. Everything came out good and clean. Thinking that everything serious had been ruled out I went away feeling somewhat better but still with that pressure in my chest.
I remember sometime in May crying over our changing circumstances. I was lamenting the idea of moving away from friends that have become like family. I dreaded the idea of leaving a warm climate and possibly moving to a place that had long, cold winters. I cried for my children not having that 'house' to come back to. As I cried, the pressure in my chest became stronger and stronger like a balloon that was ready to burst. I called Russ and told him in tears "I know what I have. It's grief."
In July I was still struggling with this "pressure". I called my GP again and was able to get in to see her quite quickly. She was also perplexed as I had no pain, no problem breathing. She asked a bunch of questions, looked through my previous tests and diagnosed me with Costochondritis which is an inflammation of the cartilage around the rib cage. She told me to start taking Aleve to get rid of the symptoms. I did this but saw no improvement. We went camping in August and I remember worrying about it and wondering if it was ever going to go away.
Which brings us to October. Still no improvement though I can't say things were worsening. I went back to the Doctor. She now was really stumped and referred me to a Pulmonologist and had me scheduled for a pulmonology lab. I did the lab a couple of weeks ago and my appointment with the pulmonologist was scheduled for December 12.
Which brings us to last week Friday. I woke up in the morning with a pain in my left calf. The pain had been there a couple of weeks but it was really bad and my calf was swollen. I had this epiphany that I had a blood clot so went to Urgent Care in Redlands. I specifically told the doctor I wanted a d-dimer test. (This is a blood test that will be negative if no clot. If it is positive you may have one.) The doctor looked at me skeptically. I then told him about the pressure in my chest and that it got worse if I raised my arms or laid down. He said "That means nothing. It is only something minor." (I put this in as a warning to all - if you think something is wrong push for it!!) He did do the d-dimer test and it came back positive. But the ultrasound on my leg came back negative - no blood clot. Huh? The doctor was ready to send me home. No way. I pushed to get a cat scan. This new doctor didn't think it was necessary. Said "I want a cat scan." Was told that if I could find someone to drive me across the street to ER I could try to get one there. One funny thing, she told me to tell them I was having breathing problems so they would take me seriously. Wow.
My friend Brooke showed up to sit with me in ER and shortly thereafter, Ann showed up. Can I just say here that I have the greatest friends in the world? Who knew sitting in ER for an entire night could illicit so many laughs? As I was taken in and out, different steps being performed, I was continually told I just should have an EKG. "No. I'm not leaving here without a cat scan." They finally did a scan and at about 10:30 that night while sitting in ER I got that bad news that it was abnormal. Brooke called Russ, he headed home from Hanford, and the rest is history, albeit a short history. Which feels like forever.